God’s taco shell waiting to be filled with messianic ambition with a topping of self-righteousness. Image: ESQUIRE MAGAZINE
He was on a mission from God. He didn’t keep it to himself. He told the world, sent it spiralling through cyberspace, and to give it due gravitas he appeared in the declaration, dressed in a austere power suit striding down the streets of an important looking city, looking important. It was, of course, Taco Man.
To propel the utter, utter seriousness of the message into people’s hearts and minds, he added this: Nothing can stop what is coming. To show he was also a man with the common touch, he had co-opted the phrase from the film The Blues Brothers. People fell to their knees, some cried, some hugged their children and partners, looked to the threatening skies, and pleaded, please Taco Man, deliver us from what lies ahead. Protect us and look after us. What do you mean?
But Taco Man did not answer. He remained enigmatic. Not sphinx like, but in the manner of the taco shell alone on the kitchen bench. He was God’s taco shell waiting to be filled with messianic ambition with a topping of self-righteousness. Taco Man had had enough of the slings and arrows of lesser men and women, thwarting his plans, trying to diminish his greatness. His visage showed he meant business: stern, unbreakable, revengeful. No one could get in his way, nothing could stop what was coming. After all, was he not able to evade an assassin’s bullet, thus proving he was God’s chosen one to lead his people into the promised land? Did he not say that he had been chosen to do so by dint of surviving the bullet? God had said nothing.
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Yet still even though his path was clear, he was angry. VERY ANGRY. Behind his back, there was talk that his words and actions bent with the wind. Talked tough, but then acted small. How dare they. He wasn’t a chicken. He wasn’t yellow, though his feathers had once been orange, that was not yellow! and besides now they were without colour. He didn’t chicken out of things. When he saw an opportunity for a $400 million jet from another country, he didn’t back off, he grasped that chance and said, Yes.
Taco Man would show that when he meant business, he meant his business. And what was good for his business was good for everyone else’s. How could it not be? After all he was on a mission from God, and nothing could stop what was coming. Despite the ominous nature of the wording, what Taco Man should have realised that was coming was universal ridicule.
How God came to choose Taco Man is, of course, a cosmic mystery. Wherefore the enchilada or the burrito in his scheme of things? Was it the hard shell that persuaded the great creator, or the ease of handling? Perhaps it was a greater force. Perhaps it was other people. Whichever, now it was done and Taco Man would have to show superhuman, nay godly powers, to overcome the jesting that had encircled the globe.
The question is, does he have all the ingredients to do so, such as the ground beef, an onion, , chili powder, cheese, lettuce? The world awaits Taco Man’s next move. His critics are eating it up.
