Gold Coast players ponder another thrashing at the hands of Adelaide last Saturday night. Photo: GETTY IMAGES

If you’re one of the very small band of football fans who barrack for, or even have the faintest interest in the fortunes of Gold Coast, this season must be feeling increasingly like a horror movie on a loop.

It’s one which opens with some brief moments of sunny optimism, quickly turning into a reality check with ominous overtones. Then comes the slow, protracted scenes of torture, which by the finish have become so inevitable they no longer even shock.

If you were a film connoisseur, right now you’d be begging the director to wrap up “Gold Coast: 2019” post haste. There’s no dramatic tension left in this storyline anymore, just gratuitous blood and gore.

The Suns have done this all before. Last year, in fact, when they won three of their first five games before turning into cannon fodder for the rest of the competition, winning just one of their remaining 17.

This time it was three wins from the first four, the sole loss by a solitary point. The first reality check was again delivered by Adelaide on a road trip, the Crows belting Gold Coast by 73 points in round five, worse than last year’s eight-goal hiding in round six. And on both occasions since then, it’s been a protracted car crash, the current losing streak up to 12.

In fact, in 2019, the bottom might have fallen out of Gold Coast even earlier. This time last season, the Suns were getting beaten by around the seven-goal mark, and in round 18 even managed to pull off one of the greatest upsets of the modern era against Sydney at the SCG.

This year, they’re coming off consecutive 90-points-plus defeats. On Saturday, they face Carlton, which even a few weeks ago, would have looked a serious prospect of a win. That, though, was before the Blues installed David Teague as caretaker coach, won three out of five games and lost the other two both by a kick.

So again, you can write your own ticket on a Gold Coast victory as Carlton prepares to engrave the Suns’ name on another wooden spoon.
Where does the whole club go from there? Nine seasons in, that will be a sixth occasion in which the Suns have finished in the bottom three on the ladder. Their best result was 12th with 10 wins in 2014, after which, perversely, they sacked coach Guy McKenna.

Since then, Gold Coast has routinely haemorrhaged most of its best players, Jaeger O’Meara, Dion Prestia, and over the last two off-seasons, three captains in Gary Ablett, Steven May and Tom Lynch, senior players desperate to depart and the Suns remaining by some margin the youngest and least experienced list in the competition.

There was some minor joy last week when the Suns announced the re-signing of draftee Izak Rankine, still to make his senior debut. That, though, came at the same time Gold Coast chairman Tony Cochrane was also petitioning the AFL for draft assistance.

And as Gold Coast coach Stuart Dew himself noted, that is hardly in itself the answer. And only one of the issues, which remain far bigger-picture than retaining this player or that.

Why would any of those senior players, even with generous salary packages, choose to stay at a club whose on-field success seems light years away, and which continually battles to build and sustain even a football culture in a place renowned for its lack-lustre support of a whole catalogue of tried and failed sporting franchises?

Perhaps even more significant than the abject nature of Saturday night’s 95-point spanking at the hands of the Crows was the crowd of just 8741 at Metricon Stadium, the second-lowest ever among the 88 home games Gold Coast have now played at the refurbished Carrara venue.

True football people on the Gold Coast are hardy folk. But they’ve put up with a lot of dross over the past eight years. Most have relocated from states where they already supported AFL teams. Perhaps they’re finally tiring of also throwing their weight behind a cause which never seems to make any progress.

The other element to this story, of course, is the potential expansion markets the AFL chose to ignore a decade or so ago, the rationale that Tasmania, or the Northern Territory, didn’t have the economic or population resources to sustain an AFL club.

It was a questionable argument then, and seems even more so now. Because what those areas do have in spades are entrenched football cultures and histories better prepared to survive tough times on the field.

Enough Tasmanians turn out eight times a season for Hawthorn’s home games in Launceston and North Melbourne’s in Hobart. As if all of them and a lot more besides wouldn’t be inclined to get behind a truly local team representing a state which has produced some of the greatest footballers the game has seen.

It’s too early yet to pronounce Greater Western Sydney a success or failure not just in establishing but maintaining on-going viability in terms of support and growth. Which leaves Sydney as still the only AFL club to have put down stumps in a non-traditional football market and make a go of it.

The Swans, though, were already a football club, the transplanted version of a foundation VFL club in South Melbourne. They at least headed to Australia’s biggest city. And even then, it was a good 15 years, and several crises which put the Swans at the brink of extinction, before their survival was assured.

Gold Coast has none of those saving graces. And often, it seems, not even a fraction of the “care factor” the AFL had for ensuring the Sydney gambit worked.

People are quick to label under-performing teams and clubs “the worst since Fitzroy in its death throes”. But Gold Coast’s current state really is the most hapless we’ve seen since that period in the mid-1990s.

And fixing things up might take so much more than a few priority draft picks that the scale of assistance needed would required the pillaging of rival clubs. Good luck with that, AFL Commission.

The Suns right now are a football “splatter flick” almost worthy of an “R” rating. And it really is hard to see how this one will be redeemed by any sort of happy ending.

*This article first appeared at SPORTING NEWS.