TV show themes that left their mark on “TV Freak” Scott Goodings. From top left clockwise: Twin Peaks, Taxi, Rush, House.
It’s 1975. I’m transfixed watching “Countdown”, as Telly Savalas performs his mesmerising spoken-word version of Bread’s “If.”
Something creepy bothers me, though. Maybe I’m confusing Telly with his on-screen movie personas of the Bond-villain Blofeld in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” or the psychopathic Maggott (Number 8) in “The Dirty Dozen”?
Jump forward many years, and I’m working my way through five seasons of Telly’s gritty ‘70s New York cop show, “Kojak”. Detective Lieutenant Theo Kojak is the epitome of the era’s cool in the brutal style of Michael Caine’s cinematic Novocastrian gangster, Jack Carter.
Times Square dive bars aren’t Theo’s scene. Instead, he heads across the water to New Jersey. Neon “Cocktails” in flashing script accompanied by flaming torches signposts his destination. When asked how he found this place, Theo confides in his lusty companion that he escapes across the Hudson to hide out here.
“Oh, with your talent and good looks you’d be known anywhere,” she brazenly coos.
Welcome to the setting of my perfect bar, where you can check in for a night of easy-listening TV themes.
A guitar, double bass and organ pump out finger-clicking ‘70s piano-bar tunes, as well-dressed couples sashay across the dance floor. Votive candles arranged on linen tablecloths, drink waiters providing table service, and an elevated dining section hosting Theo and his date scream sophistication and slight decadence.
Complimentary sherry and canapes are served on arrival, as Massive Attack’s trip-hop tunes “Teardrops” (theme to House) and “Paradise Circus” (theme to Luther) flow from the in-house speakers at a level low-enough to encourage intimate conversation.
The house band assembles and opens with “Angela,” the theme from the ‘70s sitcom Taxi. Think slow, smooth, melancholic jazz, Danny DeVito, Andy Kaufman, and opening titles with a NYC cab heading across the Queensboro Bridge.
Segue into the scratching opening of the theme to “BoJack Horseman”, the animated series featuring a washed up 1990s equine sitcom star. The garage rock chords of The Black Keys’ Patrick Carney are gate crashed by his uncle Ralph – who frequently performed and recorded with Tom Waits – and his tenor saxophone, in a writing collaboration that started out by sending cassette tapes of tunes to each other when Patrick was a teenager.
Let’s bring the vibe up with some ‘60s San Francisco pop from Jerry Goldsmith, and the theme to that era’s high school comedy-drama, Room 222. Then some mellow pop, with “Love is All Around,” the theme to “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”, by Sonny Curtis.
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As the band takes a break, perhaps the Sammy Davis Jr disco version of “Love is All Around” could be piped out. I’m not sure the Husker Du version – a tribute to the show and their Minneapolis-Saint Paul hometown where it was set – would go down with our clientele. Then again, it fits nicely next to “I Fought the Law,” another Sonny Curtis composition.
Couples are encouraged to take to the dance floor to sway and slow dance as Angelo Badalamenti’s guitar and atmospheric layered synths fill the room with the gorgeous theme to “Twin Peaks”. David Lynch’s warped surreal take on the mystery-drama genre provides the cherry pie and great coffee waiting for the loved-up couples returning to their tables.
Kettle drums are wheeled out to signal the pomp and ceremony of George Dreyfus’ majestic theme to “Rush”, the 1970s Australian historical-goldfields drama. It’s a challenge for our house band, though, to match the wall-of-sound cacophony of the original as performed by Brian May and the ABC Showband.
For a full-blown dramatic farewell, let’s look to the legendary English composer and conductor of film and television music, John Barry.
Barry was the musical genius responsible for most of the decent ‘60s and ‘70s James Bond themes, including the brash brass of “Goldfinger”. Barry could also tug the heart, with the lush strings of the Academy Award winning song, “Born Free.”
We turn to Barry’s epic spooky violins and chilling Moog bassline from the theme to the early ‘70s action comedy starring Roger Moore and Tony Curtis, “The Persuaders”, to round out our night. In parts a funeral dirge, always hauntingly beautiful, it satisfies the promise of a night of easy-listening ambient television themes.
As the house lights come up, and the gentlemen fetch the ladies’ coats, we will leave you smiling with “Eye Level,” the theme from the British detective show set in Amsterdam, “Van der Valk”.
The Simon Park Orchestra instrumental-version – which channels the joie de vivre of Andre Rieu – would be too easy. Instead, we will send you on your way humming into the night. The baritone of The Man with the Golden Voice, Matt Monro, and his version renamed “And You Smiled,” is guaranteed to echo inside your head for nights to come.
To Be Continued…
