A protester performs the haka atop a concrete barrier in front of New Zealand’s parliament in Wellington. Photo: NZ HERALD
It’s happened before, and now it’s happening again. In desperate times who do you call?
Barry Manilow.
Spare a thought for New Zealand. Anti-vaccine mandate protesters were standing fast at the country’s Parliament in Wellington. They weren’t moving. Authorities at first tried water torture. That is, they turned the sprinklers on them. It didn’t work.
And then it happened. The Speaker of Parliament Trevor Mallard said, words to the effect, presumably of, “Bring me the songs of Barry Manilow!” And thus the mellifluous, harmless, let’s be honest, inoffensive strains of Manilow’s voice were blasted into the ears of the demonstrators.
The Manilow effect begins to take its horrible toll on protesters in New Zealand …. (no, not really).
Fans may bewail the treatment. How could you do that to “Mandy”, or “Could it be Magic”, “I Write the Songs” and “Copacabana”? How? Is this the way to treat someone who has brought joy to millions, who has had a dozen No. 1 singles and a dozen platinum albums? Whose smile has lit up countless lives? The not-so-kindly may say this is cruel and inhumane treatment. A step too far, surely.
Desperate times, desperate measures. The authorities even tried the ultimate aural torture, putting “Macarena” by Los Del Rio on loop, at high volume. Oh, the inhumanity.
The demonstrators counter-attacked with Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It”, you know, the song Clive Palmer tried to claim as his own in his bombardment of the hapless Australian population.
The Manilow effect is not unique to New Zealand. The use of aircraft-volume music can, and has been used globally, most notably by and in America.
In 1989, the US bombarded Panamanian General Manuel Noriega, an opera lover, with rock music to get him to leave his compound. The FBI used music during the Waco siege in Texas. In Afghanistan and Iraq, the US military used music as part of its psych-ops.
And as the convoys and street marches have occurred week by week in Australia, perhaps Barry, and others, might be deployed.
PLEASE HELP US CONTINUE TO THRIVE BY BECOMING AN OFFICIAL FOOTYOLOGY PATRON. JUST CLICK THIS LINK.
Think of the savings on police resources if you don’t need police officers manning the barricades during the convoys or street marches and demonstrations. All it would take is several mega sub-woofer systems, a network of 100-watt amps, speakers bigger than Myer department store and an exquisite bad taste in music.
Easy.
Here’s a plan, first create a sense of wellbeing, even a bit of fun, then bam. A top five, just for starters could go: 1) “Achy Breaky Heart” 2) “My Heart Will Go On” 3) “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” 4) “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” and 5) “Is This the Way to Amarillo?” And put it on rotation.
If that didn’t break the spirit, the next option could be to go ballistic. Bring on Peter Allen. Again, settle the protesters in with “Tenterfield Saddler”, then pow, “I Go to Rio”. Resistance would be futile.
This is not a new sensation, nor a new solution. More than a decade ago, train operators, local councils and fast food chains in Melbourne and Sydney all tried different manner of music to shoo malingerers away. In Sydney, Rockdale Council’s deputy mayor Bill Saravinoski at the time commented on its six-month trial against hoon drivers. “Barry’s our secret weapon.”
However, Peter DiVasto, an expert in hostage negotiations, counselled at the time that if organisations and countries, including their military, had to resort to Barry, “it’s excessive force.”
Which, of course, might lead some to bemoan, man how low can you go?
