Who should Shayne Hope’s daughter support? Our very own columnist is in a bind! Photo: LUMINA STOCKSY
I have a personal dilemma that perhaps you can help with.
You see, my partner – not ‘wife’ just yet, thanks to a pandemic-related wedding postponement – and I are expecting the imminent arrival of our first child.
That part is fantastic. We’re over the moon and, perhaps naively, can’t wait to see what awaits us in the brave, new world of parenthood.
But here’s the issue: we barrack for different football teams.
She’s a long-suffering Melbourne supporter, while I, for my sins, follow Fremantle.
You don’t need me to tell you there hasn’t been a whole lot of joy for either of us on those fronts.
If the Demons and Dockers are the baby’s two options, then the fact our due date is this Thursday – April Fools’ Day – probably ties in nicely when it comes to her future football fandom.
How are we supposed to decide what colours she will wear?
A colleague covering the awful Melbourne-Fremantle scrap at the MCG in round one suggested we steer our baby towards following “literally any of the other 16 teams”.
The colleague was promptly reminded that there are only 15 other acceptable options, as the baby could not possibly grow up an Eagle. But the point had been made.
If my count is correct, the baby’s nearest family members collectively support more than half a dozen different clubs.
Essendon, St Kilda, Collingwood, the Western Bulldogs, Hawthorn, Fremantle and Melbourne are all represented.
And if you ask the younger family members, you wouldn’t be surprised if they’re leaning towards Richmond now. Kids these days … right?
As our local club, the Saints would make sense. They’re bold and ambitious under genial coach Brett Ratten, and play an exciting brand of football. Generational talent Max King could steer this team to great things over the next decade or so.
PLEASE HELP US CONTINUE TO THRIVE BY BECOMING AN OFFICIAL FOOTYOLOGY PATRON. JUST CLICK THIS LINK.
But coaches and game styles won’t last forever – perhaps not even until the baby is old enough to actually care about football – and history says St Kilda are about as useful as Melbourne and Fremantle when it comes to winning silverware.
Ditto the Bulldogs, bar that one glorious run through September in 2016. Though there is something romantic and admirable about backing the underdog.
Maybe that would toughen her up, much like being given a glaringly feminine name did for Johnny Cash’s fabled “Boy Named Sue”.
Winning certainly isn’t everything, however, it would be nice for the baby to grow up having a decent shot at seeing her side claim the ultimate prize one day.
Hawthorn has a glittering history, but who knows what the future holds out at Dingley (assuming a twist in the tale doesn’t see them end up in Tasmania).
We won’t encourage blatant glory-hunting with Richmond or the next big club to dominate the competition.
You’d have plenty of friends if you barracked for Collingwood, but plenty of footy enemies too, such is the polarising nature of the biggest sporting club in the land.
We don’t have any ties to South Australia, Queensland or New South Wales, so that might rule out the majority of non-Victorian clubs.
Then again, Port Adelaide has cool colours and the Giants’ song is pretty catchy.
In truth, the baby will pick her own team. Heck, as unlikely as it may seem, she might not even like football.
On the evidence provided by her parents’ two clubs in recent decades, that might actually be a blessing in disguise.
