Sydney’s Tom Papley grapples with the reality of a one-point finals loss in Launceston on Saturday. Picture: Daily Telegraph.

Australia seems more divided and stressed-out than it ever was. Splits based on class, race, gender, politics and geography have been aggravated by a truly head-scratching ‘debate’ around whether or not COVID-19 vaccination, masks and lockdowns are a good idea (spoiler alert: they are).

Keyboard culture warriors from politics and the corporate media – who make bank off all the stress, anxiety and division they cause – helped bring us to this place, so how do some of us let off steam? By emulating their digital ‘bravery’ with a spot of online trolling, of course.

AFL finals were ground zero for trolling at the weekend. On Saturday afternoon, we had a classic nail-biter between Sydney and GWS which – contrary to all cosmic rules of fairness, balance and justice – the latter won by a point.

Yes, I barrack for Sydney. And I’m filthy they lost by one lousy point, one coat of paint if you consider the many posters recorded that day, one breath of breeze to bring Buddy Franklin’s last kick home … one instance of lowering the eyes instead of bombing it to the square like Sydney seemed to do all freaking afternoon!

It’s fair to say I haven’t been this upset about a footy game since, oh I don’t know, the 2006 grand final (which, in case you’ve forgotten, Sydney also lost by a point). Cue the trolls, who didn’t target me personally (sometimes it helps to have a low profile) but did accomplish their mission of “insulting and annoying” the vanquished:

Although he’s fallen into relative obscurity of late, you may recognise the author of this tweet: Mark Latham, former Leader of the Federal Opposition-turned-One Nation MP and prolific keyboard culture warrior. Consumed by a hatred of progressives who never quite succumbed to his charms at the 2004 election, Latham these days seems to spend more time trolling ‘woke, inner city lefties’ (most of whom barrack for Sydney, it seems) than he does earning his keep as an MP.

Personally, I’m not sure what’s more detestable about the man: that he abandoned the ALP for the job of siphoning off Labor constituents to vote against their interests, or that this rusted-on rugby league afficionado pretends to have the slightest interest in (or knowledge of) Australian Rules Football. Anyway, I let him know what I thought:

“Don’t feed the trolls,” they say, and sometimes they’re right. In Latham’s case, I could rightly be accused of trolling the troll, but this gratuitous goose asked for it (at least, that’s how I justify descending to his level).


Four goals from four free kicks brought out the trolls for Bulldog Cody Weightman on Sunday night. Pictures: Getty Images.

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It wasn’t a one-point heartbreaker for the Bombers on Sunday, but the trolls were out and about. After Western Bulldog Cody Weightman bagged four goals – all of them from free kicks – angry Essendon fans flooded his Instagram page with abuse.

But the trolling wasn’t one-way. This website’s owner, commentator and Essendon tragic Rohan Connolly, was on the wrong end of quite the pile-on as his team suffered its seventh-straight finals defeat by 49 points.

At issue was RoCo’s assertion – when the scores were tight – that five of the Bulldogs’ seven goals to that point were from free kicks. None of that was wrong, but – when the Bulldogs kicked away to a comfortable win in the wet – he conceded they were the better side on the day.

Those sentiments were echoed during Rohan’s podcast that evening, but it wasn’t enough for some:

Thus ensued an evening of back-and-forth vitriol, with trolls descending on RoCo’s timeline like lions chasing a wounded gazelle, feeding on his anger at what he described as deliberate and spiteful misrepresentation. In fact, it turns out these ‘lions’ were being sucked in by their ‘prey’.

Like his tormentors, Rohan doesn’t mind a bit of anger and controversy, using it to drive up his Twitter following and traffic to his site. Social media analysts call it engagement, a measure of how people are interacting with your Facebook and Twitter accounts and content.

Keyboard culture warriors aren’t the only ones who can benefit from controversy. Sometimes progressive website owners can redirect some of that malevolent energy for better use.

RoCo can walk, talk, get angry, chew gum and exploit the engagement of trolls at the same time. Congratulations, useful idiots, you’ve been had:

Don’t get me wrong: Rohan wasn’t happy at Sunday’s result, and his emotion was real. The bloke’s of Irish heritage, so he’s anything but a robot.

Thus, in the fog of keyboard war, some relatively honest brokers copped it from Rohan on Sunday night. He duly apologised the following day:

So there you have it: a genuine apology for those who just wanted a bit of banter. Rohan wasn’t sure he wanted to run this story, but he knows that he dishes it out and, therefore, should be prepared to cop it as well.

But if “pure trolls” like ‘Tom Browne Translator’ think they’re getting an apology, they’ll be waiting an awful long time.