“In Springfield, they are eating the dogs. The people that came in, they are eating the cats.” Image: TARQUIN/X

The political cycle in the United States is running so fast in the run-up to the election, it’s as if farce follows fiasco follows almost tragedy in a three-carriage rollercoaster race.

Only days after the debate that saw Donald Trump widely ridiculed for his performance, he appears to have been the target of another assassination attempt.

This time he was playing golf when a man pointed a gun through the shrubs at the course. Gunshots were heard. Ryan Wesley Routh, who has suggested he once voted for Trump but has lately criticised him on social media, has been taken into custody.

This is reality, and it’s fortunate the secret service were there to protect him, but those people can’t protect him from himself.

Which brings to mind this call from the washup of the debate: Run, Santa’s Little Helper, run! And you too Snowball, run! Go as fast as your tiny paws will take you, get out of town, now, move far, far away. I know you both will be leaving your family, but this is a matter of life and death.

Say goodbye to the Simpsons, especially Bart and Lisa. Say goodbye to Springfield. Please, listen for not only your own sakes but for your legion of fans around the world. Springfield has become a death trap for cats and dogs. You’re not safe there anymore. Run!

How did this threatening calamity of canine and cat occur? For years the dog and cat, in several lives, have dwelt in the Simpsons’ house on 742 Evergreen Terrace. Sure there have been moments, but none as menacing as this.

For it seems the cats and dogs of Springfield are being killed and eaten. Who would suggest such a thing? Enter, stage left, Donald Trump. Specifically in his recent debate with Kamala Harris.

Trump said: “In Springfield, they are eating the dogs. The people that came in, they are eating the cats. They’re eating – they are eating the pets of the people that live there.”

Trump was referring to Springfield, Ohio. The Simpsons’ Springfield floats between states. Its geography in relationship to the rest of America, is in flux. This, of course, hasn’t stopped Trump’s nonsense from going around the world and back again.

The former president, and contender again for the White House, was trying to make a point about the evils of immigrants, specifically those from Haiti, infecting the American way of life.

Local police have debunked the claims. There is no evidence of such a thing occurring, they said. The Springfield City Commission was equally adamant, reportedly telling the BBC, “There have been no credible reports or specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community.”

Trump’s running mate, J.D. Vance backed Trump on the evils of pet-eating immigrants but then backed away to say, “It’s possible, of course, that all of these rumours will turn out to be false.”

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Lo and behold, at the weekend the smoke cleared. The woman who is cast as the source of Trump’s clams was found. She is now filled with regret. Erika Lee had received the claim fourth-hand, not first or second or third, but fourth. Good enough for Trump, it seemed. No matter that shouting the lie from his megaphone mouth bomb threats and evacuations from schools ensued.

Lee told US media, “I’m not a racist.” Her daughter was half black and she hwas mixed race and a member of the LGBTQ community. “I feel for the Haitian community,” she said. “If I was in the Haitians’ position, I’d be terrified, too, worried that somebody’s going to come after me because they think I’m hurting something that they love and that, again, that’s not what I was trying to do.”

Before the weekend, some parts of the Republican machine displayed how to turn something/anything into a good scare idea when they see one. The Republican House Judiciary Committee posted an AI-generated image of Trump cuddling a duck and a cat with the caption “Protect our ducks and kittens in Ohio!” The post was seen many millions of times.

As has been others, but ridiculing Trump. One post shows a scene from The Simpsons of Bart telling Santa’s Little Helper, “I’m sorry Santa’s Little Helper, but Springfield’s different these days. You need to stay in the house.”

And it’s not as if the dog hasn’t had its share of trauma. Who can forget the fickleness of Bart when what can only be described as the magnificent dog Laddie became part of the Simpsons’ lives.

Laddie was perfection in manners and grace. Poor Santa’s Little Helper didn’t stand a chance, for awhile, and another time he was taken by Mr Burns and turned, via interrogation and subjugation techniques similar to what happened to Alex the droog in A Clockwork Orange, to become a vicious attack guard dog. In the end, however, love between a boy and his dog won out.

This isn’t the first time Trump has ventured down the garden path of weirdness. He has also recently been evoking the sceptre of fictional serial killer Hannibal Lecter as a warning of immigration. He referred to Lecter at a rally in May as “the late, great Hannibal Lecter. He’s a wonderful man.”

One could say, go figure. But there is no answer to this twisted framework.

Kamala Harris, in response to Trump’s cat and dog remark, laughed and shook her head. Which is both understandable and dangerous. If this was an old man shaking his fist at the clouds, yes, the world could laugh at his nonsense.

But Trump is aspiring, once again, to be the most powerful man on the planet. Let the people decide, not by bullet, but through the ballot.