Gold Coast’s first two picks in the national draft, Noah Anderson (left) and Matt Rowell. Photo: AFL MEDIA
Congratulations and welcome to the AFL!
This guide has been prepared to ease your transition into professional football by providing you with the lay of the AFL land and calling out a few common traps for young players.
Most of you are likely to be familiar with this type of self-help material, having spent the last six years being spoon-fed at elite APS schools.
Speaking of privilege, don’t be put off by your CEO Gill McLachlan’s blue-collar veneer. Rest assured, Gill is from South Australian farming royalty and a polo player to boot.
But money doesn’t buy happiness, and Gill won’t be truly content until there is an AFL emoji he can use as a sign-off like the other members of his “Oz Sportz CEOs” WhatsApp group.
Gill might be top dog, but Steve Hocking is his Rasputin.
Who would have thought a humble, unassuming back pocket from Cobram – via Corio – would become the AFL’s rule-changing dark lord. Not even the poor old, defenceless half time break is safe.
And then there’s the AFL media.
You will probably be surprised to see the president or one of the board members of your club providing unbiased commentary as part of the media pack.
Even though you might have been taught about conflicts of interest during legal studies at your $25,000-plus-per-year private school, there’s nothing to see here … not even when they are calling one of your club’s games.
Then there are the “AFL legends” or “greats of the game” media members, who will regularly question your desire or suggest that you wouldn’t have made it back in their day.
While it will be easy to think they are out of touch with the modern game and perhaps not the sharpest tools in the shed, just remember the fact that they were great footy players a couple of decades ago means their insights are enormously relevant.
Don’t worry too much about the Match Review Panel or Tribunal. As long as you keep an eye on their decisions from week to week, then you’ll know exactly where the line is.
You’ll hear a lot of noise about this ‘Razor Ray’. Sounds like a cool guy, right? Wrong, he’s an umpire.
If you manage to find out why your coach’s game-day combination is suit pants and a club polo – as opposed to a complete, fashionable suit together with a smart shirt and tie à la classy coaches overseas – please let us know. We suspect it might have something to do with “Choco” Williams simulating hanging himself with his tie after Port Adelaide’s 2004 premiership.
A reminder to pay close attention to your teammates, so you are prepared for curly ones thrown at you by the club’s media department, like “which teammate thinks he’s the funniest guy at the club?” and “who is the worst teammate to share a room with on a road trip?”
Avoid betting on anything AFL-related, especially when you are wearing a club tracksuit, and even if you’re doing it for your best mate, or there is an especially juicy pay-out for you to kick a goal and your coach has mentioned you playing in a forward pocket on the weekend.
Also, best to stay away from recreational sports, especially when you are nursing an injury. While an undoubtedly clever approach, aliases – even really funny ones – probably won’t get you out of jail here.
For any Irish players, we are conscious you will blatantly disregard this warning and inevitably wind up playing a local Gaelic football game when you are back home.
But as long as you flash a cheeky-cum-humble grin and mention – in a thicker-than-usual Irish accent – that you were playing with your brother, father, uncle etc., then it will be like it never happened.
Remember that given the prevalence of mobile phones, you have effectively signed up to a stint in the “Big Brother” house…only there will be lots of party drugs offered to you in your house.
This summer, all of you will likely be heading off on pre-season camps with your clubs.
These camps provide a fantastic opportunity to forge new relationships with teammates and coaches in a foreign environment, and should be warmly embraced … unless you have been drafted by the Crows, in which case if you hear anything along the lines of fire-walking or blindfolded bus trips into the interior you should request a trade immediately.
We are conscious that your draft day experience must have been somewhat bittersweet. You had put in all that hard work – extra training sessions, missed social events and injuries – only for the jewel in the AFL’s crown, AFLX, to be unceremoniously dumped months before the big day.
Remember you won’t be invited to the Brownlow Medal until you’ve had a few years to practice pulling hilarious faces while holding a half full glass of beer on live TV, and you will never win it unless you are a midfielder.
And while you will no doubt be dreaming of a glorious long career, don’t forget the average AFL career is only six years … unless you are prepared to commit to the Suns, in which case dog years apply.
If you encounter any problems, please don’t hesitate to reach out to your club … unless you have been drafted by the Demons, in which case you should contact the AFLPA directly and perhaps consider giving the media a heads-up too.
Best of luck for the journey ahead!
